Came home after the longest day ever at work. Got out of my car...and all of a sudden I hear "Hey sexy lady". Really? Did I hear that right? I look around and hear it again... "Hey sexy lady".
Wow. How flattering...
Now if only it wasn't being shouted by a 7 year old girl....
Not sure which is more concerning, this poor child's mental health or the fact that I still found it ever so slightly flattering.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Friends in need....
It is at times of need that you find out who your real friends are....or how few true ones exist.
That's all.
That's all.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Comfortably Numb
Comfortably Numb
Jade
walked into the crowded, smoky room. The
party was going strong. No one really
noticed her at first. “Hey, Kel!” she
shouted to a familiar face in the corner.
Most of the eyes in the room turned to her. “That’s better,” she thought. She strutted across the packed room, aware of
the gazes examining her slim frame – clearly outlined in her form-fitting jeans
and treasured Bon Jovi t-shirt. The
jeans were a little worn, with the occasional loose thread but she was aware
that her ass looked great in them. She
grabbed a beer, plunked herself down between two great looking guys and flashed
them a smile. This is where Jade was at
her best – feeling the glow from a few drinks and with some fine-looking men surrounding
her. It was easy to feel that all was right with the world again. She was at a rocking party with lots
attention directed her way and she felt alive.
She could just about forget the fact that an hour before she had been
alone in her dingy apartment, just about going out of her mind with that purposeless,
lost feeling. A few more drinks and some
more harmless flirting and it would all be okay again. Just the medicine she needed.
Jade
hung on every word uttered by the men on either side of her, as though they were
sharing the most fascinating information she had ever been privy to. To the first she replied “Really? Your truck is that big, shiny black one
outside? I’d love to take a ride in it
one day” and to the other “And you? You
have that hot red convertible? I looove
that car.” Jade really had no interest
in vehicles except as a means to get to the next party but was thoroughly
enjoying the banter between her two suitors as each tried to outdo the other in
the race to impress her. She had a good
buzz going now. She soon grew tired of
the endless chatter about engines, lift kits, and roll bars. With a playful smile, she promised a quick
return and extricated herself from the couch.
She moved across to the other side of the room, oozing sensuality and
shot a flirtatious glance over at another group of men. It was not long before she was rewarded: one
of them made his way over and offered her another beer. He prattled on about something – but really,
the subject didn’t matter to Jade. As
long as his focus was her she felt in control, desirable, and powerful.
Throughout
the night, the pattern continued – many more drinks and many more men
enraptured by her charm. Eventually, the
party wound down and everyone dispersed.
She left with a distinct feeling of accomplishment. She had owned the room. The men had been eating out of her hand.
As
she wandered toward home, however, she became acutely aware that she was going
to be alone in her depressing apartment again.
She easily could have gone home with any number of the men at the party
but she knew better than to trust any of them.
From her drunk of a father who drove her mother away with his beatings
to the boyfriend who had held her by the throat while he raped her – she had
learned her lessons the hard way. She
craved the attention from men but knew better than to let them get close to
her. She would get used to spending her
life alone, she was sure of it. Hadn’t
she been alone most of her life already?
She
opened her door and was greeted by darkness and silence. The apartment felt cold and empty. She quickly changed for bed and buried
herself in the covers. When her eyes
closed, she could feel dark shadows stalking silently toward her. The feelings that she had fought so hard to
eliminate tonight were back, grabbing her by the throat. Her breath quickened. The battle may have only been in her mind,
but it was fierce nonetheless. As
always, she tired from the skirmish first and the despair possessed her as
surely as a demon. She lay, resigned, in
her bed and sobbed. In the darkness as
she lay alone these feelings always came back to haunt her. Finally, mercifully, the combination of booze
and emotional exhaustion finally propelled her to sleep.
The
next afternoon, Jade stumbled from bed with a cotton mouth and pounding
head. She teetered into the bathroom and
glanced in the mirror. The sight of her
puffy red eyes brought it all back – the pain from the night before. But NO!
She would not think of it now.
She turned on her stereo, walked to the kitchen for a beer, and pondered
what she would wear to the party that night.
She would have to do laundry. She
gathered the jeans and beloved Bon Jovi shirt, along with an assortment of
other items scattered throughout the apartment and sorted them for the
wash. With the first load in, she
grabbed another beer and sat on the couch.
Her favourite song was playing – she got up, turned the volume louder
and to the sounds of Pink Floyd’s “Comfortably Numb” she began the process of
forgetting again.
The Beckoning
The Beckoning
She
sat apart from the rest of them in her own private cove. She could not see them from where she was but
could hear the excitement of the children: shrieking at the seaweed wrapping
around their legs, hunting for treasures washed in by the tide, dissolving into
giggles as the surf lapped at their toes.
She was suddenly filled with a renewed sense of loss, of emptiness. She was acutely aware of the happy families
only a few feet away, yet they were completely oblivious to her presence.
She dug her toes deeper into the
sun-warmed sand – like ten little crabs scurrying for cover. “Happy as a clam”, she thought. The irony of that statement brought a wry
smile to her lips. The waves gently
caressed the beach in front of her – calmly, serenely. Two nights ago the ocean had shown its other
side. Angry waves crashed violently
against the rocks, tossing aside whatever was in their way as insignificant
compared to the fury it was feeling. Not
today, though. Today the water was calm;
concealing what lurked below the surface.
She felt a sense of kinship with the
ocean. Looking out over its great
expanse she felt she understood its masquerade.
It must appear calm and serene, hide the turmoil below so it did not
frighten the others away. When it appeared
angry and out of control, the children would not come to play, the lovers would
not stroll hand-in-hand on a warm summer evening, and the families would find a
safer place to spend their days. Why had
she not remembered this? Why had she not
maintained control and hid her other identity?
They would all know now that she was an angry, terrified child - not the
strong independent woman she pretended to be.
“They
say drowning is a peaceful way to go”, she reminded herself. “Who are THEY? How would they know?” She tried to imagine it. The cool water enveloping her like a womb,
holding her close. The warmth in her
chest as her lungs began to hunger for oxygen.
Then the warmth turning to a burning as her body demanded that she take
a breath – not understanding what it would mean if she were to obey. Her body would jerk and convulse as the
instinct to survive became ever-more demanding.
Finally, her body would be denied no longer and she would gasp deeply,
trying urgently to find the oxygen she required. All it would find, though, would be the cold,
salty liquid that surrounded her. It would
fill her lungs as her body greedily drank it in, unaware until it was too late
that this is not what it was searching so desperately for. Is this when the peace would come? When the fluid of the pseudo-womb filled her
as completely as it cradled her, would she at last feel the peace and calm that
the ocean seemed to promise her today?
Looking out again at the peaceful
expanse of water in front of her, she felt it beckoning her. The waves like a mother’s arms, outstretched
– wanting to draw her to its bosom. She
stood and slowly made her way to the edge. The coldness shocked her toes, her knees, her
chest, her head. The gentleness of the
water’s embrace reassured her – at last she found peace.
Friday, February 17, 2012
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